Weak Point
by cdghuntermco
Summary: A fill I did on the Kinkmeme. "So during a sparring session with a female LI (would prefer ash, but would not say no to someone else) the LI accidentally, or maybe on purpose, hits shepard in the man-purse. Shepard now has to explain, through blinding pain, what happened to him, with some of the aliens confused about such vulnerability and others snickering."


Preface: I too love Ashley as a LI. So, this story is a little AU in that I'm putting her on the Normandy during ME2. That way, we still have maximum exposure with the greatest number of aliens.

Weak Point

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It wasn't sparring so much as it was foreplay. Ever since Shepard had come back from the dead and Ash had come back to the Normandy, the pair had been dancing around one another. As Garrus remembered it, they'd been quite the passionate couple back on the SR1. It was understandable that they weren't exactly clear on where they stood after Shepard came back from being missing for two years.

But now they were clear, and all of a sudden they were treating the ship like their personal honeymoon cruise. So here they are now, in the ship's hangar bay, during workout training. Ashley and Shepard were sparring, but only in the sense that their fists and legs were connecting in 'hits' and 'kicks.'

Clad in tight fitting workout gear, they were using training as an excuse to grope each other's bodies in the most elaborate but subtle ways possible. A tackle was a chance to run their hands down the other's sides. A blocked kick was an invitation to grope a thigh. Somehow their bodies kept moving and gyrating in ways that pressed their naughtier bits together. Almost the entirety of the ground team was in the hangar with them, but Ash and Shepard seemed not to care, if the perpetual lustful grins on their faces meant anything.

Garrus shook his head at the marines. They were two of his dearest friends, but neither was very subtle when it came to their relationship. Not that anyone else really seemed to care. Tali stood with him off to the one side, the both of them tinkering with the simulated combat generator. On the main floor the other fights going on were Miranda versus Jacob, Samara versus Jack, and Grunt versus Legion. The Krogan and the Geth were fighting for two reasons: A, Legion needed to improve his protocols when dealing with enemies who were prone to more random acts rather than planned strategies, and B, he was the least likely to break if Grunt actually hit him.

Mordin was applying medical attention to Zaeed, who had gotten a pretty nasty bump on his head after trying to cop a feel on Miranda during their fight. Kasumi was… somewhere, likely recording Jacob's fight and saving it for her viewing pleasure later. And Thane sitting nearby, meditating. No one ever challenged him to sparring matches anymore. They at least wanted a chance to win.

The whole fiasco started innocently enough. At one point Shepard had a grip on Ash's arm, so she pivoted her body around to face him. However, thinking she'd be coy and tease the commander some more, she brought up her thigh to land lightly in the valley between his legs and stimulate Shepard's private reaches, which was definitely something he wouldn't object to. The thing was, when Ash pivoted, she dragged Shepard with her and the man stumbled forward by a foot. So instead of the smooth flesh of Ashley's thigh, Shepard's groin was impacted by her bony knee.

Besides Ash of course, Garrus was the only one to notice. Shepard's reaction was immediate. Garrus watched as his commander's eyes bulged out of their sockets, his mouth pursed in that certain where you stop chewing when you realize the food doesn't taste good, and he started to double over into himself. Garrus had to stop himself from noticeably grimacing. He knew Ash had just hit a very sensitive part of the male human body.

Ash looked petrified as she realized what she'd done. She leant over to try and keep Shepard from falling down on the ground and writhing in pain.

"Oh my god, Shepard, I am so sorry!" she pleaded. "I swear I wasn't trying to knee you in the balls."

It was when Shepard let out an ungodly wail of pain from the back of his throat that everyone else finally took notice.

Ash helped him hobble over to the work table Garrus and Tali were working on, with Miranda and Jacob hot on their tracks.

Lawson herself actually looked mildly concerned for once, rather than her usual icy glare of indifference. "Commander, are you alright?" However, her eyes narrowed as understanding dawned on her. "Ah, I see. Miss Williams, you would do well to remember the Lazarus Project only made Shepard less likely to break. It did not make him indestructible."

"Noted, Lawson," Ash grit out as she helped Shepard lean against the table. The Commander was gripping his crotch like his life depended on it, he was red in the face, and he was doing his best to keep his breathing under control.

"Damn, Shepard, she got you good, huh?" Jacob commented. "How you feeling?"

"Like I wanna throw up," Shepard huffed out. Garrus knew that voice from his days in C-Sec. That was the 'I wanna throw up' voice.

Tali stepped closer. "Um, what exactly happened?"

Shepard gasped and waved off Ashley's attention, letting her know he'd be fine. "Ash accidently… kneed me in the testicles, Tali. It's not any area… we humans enjoy… being kicked in."

"What!?" Garrus turned to Tali, surprised at how high pitched and frantic her voice had suddenly become. "Don't you need to go see Chakwas right now?"

Shepard gave her a peculiar look through the blinding pain. "What are you… talking about?"

"If Ashley hit your testicles then she must have broken the shell. You could have some serious injuries right now."

All of the humans, and the Turian, looked at each other. Then they looked back to the Quarian. "What are you talking about, Tali?" Ashley asked.

Tali looked around at them all. "Human males don't have a shell of cartilage that protects their scrotum, do they?" she asked them all meekly.

Garrus couldn't help chuckling at his friend's naivety. "No Tali. Humans are a bit squishier than us Dextro species." That earned him a half-hearted glare from the Commander.

By now everyone else had finally caught on something had happened and gathered around. Some of them, like Jack and Zaeed, were snickering at Shepard's discomfort. Even the usually stoic Thane looked like he was fighting the urge to laugh.

"For all of humanity's accomplishments and strengths," said the Drell, "Humans certainly do have a fair number of weaknesses that can be easily exploited."

"I'd like to see you… standing straight after… someone kicked you in… your junk," Shepard retaliated weakly.

"By 'junk' I assume you mean genitalia. Assuming you were actually fast enough to land a hit there, male Drell penises are stored inside of our bodies, like Turians. The pain would be substantially less."

Shepard only blew out another breath of air and shook his head, still groaning.

"I don't get it," said Grunt. "I've seen Shepard headbutt a Krogan warlord. Why should this be any worse?"

"I must confess I am as equally confused as our young Krogan," stated Samara. "My knowledge of human anatomy is not substantial, so I do not fully understand what has the Commander so distraught."

"Anatomy!" Dr. Solus exclaimed excitedly. "Male testes retain important function of producing spermatozoa and testosterone, both of which very important to male human body. However, testes very fragile. Very easy to rupture. Overabundance of nerve endings present in scrotum, provide warnings to prevent sitting on testes wrong way, or avoid being… ahem, kicked in them. Register of pain now likely traveling up spermatic cord, coalescing in kidneys. Two sets of organs intimately connected due to both requiring use of urethra to pass liquids."

Everyone looked at the doctor blankly, and Shepard curled an arm around his waist as the pain there started to add up like Mordin said it would. Jacob spoke up. "Doc, I'm a human guy, and I'm pretty sure I have no idea what you just said."

Miranda sighed. To the confused aliens she elaborated, "What Dr. Solus means is the testicles are very sensitive for males of our species. Because of that, they are more acutely responsive to pain so that they are not inadvertently damaged by careless behavior."

"Yes, that does make sense," said Samara.

"I still don't get it," said Grunt.

"Haven't you ever been hit in the balls, Grunt?" Ashley asked the young Krogan.

Grunt shrugged. "Sure. Didn't hurt any more than if I got shot anywhere else."

"The kid's right," said Jack, nodding. "Krogan balls are seriously thicker than their skulls. They don't feel anything down there unless you really make 'em feel it."

Silence descended upon the cargo bay as everyone turned to look at Jack. "Do you know this from personal experience?" Miranda asked her.

Jack scowled at them all. "What? After all the crazy shit I've told you about me and this is where you draw the line?"

Grunt shook his head. "Whatever. All this tells me is you aliens are still softer than me."

"Would you like assistance understanding male genitalia, Grunt-Urdnot?" Legion asked the Krogan. "One moment please. Done: data files compiled. Showing: 1,847,928,092 extranet videos pertaining to human males being assaulted in their genitalia. 83% are for humoristic purposes, 10% for medical purposes, and 7% for masturbatory purposes."

Jacob only laughed as he shook his head. To Miranda he asked, "How come you didn't do something like that for Shepard? You know, make his man purse invulnerable like the rest of him."

Miranda sighed as she looked off into space. "The option did actually cross my desk, and it would have been feasible. However, the augmentation would have left Shepard infertile, so we forewent it."

Shepard let out a sound halfway between a gasp and a choked sob.

Ash finally took pity on him and looped his arm around her shoulders again to lift him up. "Come on Skipper," she said to him, "let's get you up to your cabin and find an ice pack or something."

Shepard groaned as he was led away, limping at a slow pace. "I doubt… an ice pack will help too much. I can barely… move as is."

"Oh don't be such a baby. The pain will wear off in no time." Ash leaned closer and lowered her voice to a sultry whisper. "Besides, if you come up to the cabin, I'll show you my idea to make you feel better."

Shepard practically ran to the elevator.

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_Author's Note: So turns out filling out requests on the Kinkmeme is super fun! I'm working on a couple more at the moment, which I might post here as well. _


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